Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

Summary: The title says it all.

The question for the Wise Guys feature this week at Em & Lo seems like a pretty straightforward gender-cliché-confirming opportunity to, well, confirm a cliché!

Does every guy see a woman and immediately assess whether or not he’d want to have sex with her?

See the rest of the question, answers, and reader comments here.

And sure enough, the two straight guys (one married, one single) confirm the stereotype: yes, they assess whether or not they’d like to have sex with her.

Then more generously but perhaps nearly as male-cliché, the gay single guy said “Every human creature that falls within your sexuality spectrum is instantly sized up as a potential slap-and-tickle.”

Where it gets fun, though, is in the comments:

• Chelsea B Says: I feel the same way as a woman though. Almost every time I see a remotely attractive man, I asses his “bangability.” I am in a long term relationship as well. I feel like it is in human nature, not just men. Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I don;t think so
• Elea Says: Same here! Human nature.
• Jen Says: I guess my only difference is I almost never would want to do them :p Not that I don’t question it. And I have to ‘like’ a specific guy (or say, be dating him) to want to add him to the, er, show.
• Dannie Says: Totally human nature. I think the range may vary from time to time–obviously, people with asexuality probably wouldn’t have this thought process as often, but anyone with any interest with sex most certainly will have sexual thoughts on their gender of attraction. Sometimes, though, it’s not even about the sexual fantasy; it’s just…people using their imaginations in the way that sexual creatures do.
• Michael Says: For me, the woman doesn’t really have to be attractive–it’s just about curiosity. I’ll be watching the news, and the anchorwoman is perhaps just somewhat attractive, and I’ll think, “I wonder what she looks like having an orgasm.”
• Rei Says: Women totally have these same fantasies as well as men!!! Any attractive man I see I wonder how big he is between his legs, and how he’d make love/sex. I’m married to a great man, but as humans, everyone has fantasies, and fantasize about someone not their sig other. It happens. But, you shouldn’t always think about the bus boy/or waitress, every time your man/woman is pleasuring you!
• Emi_ Says: I never used to because I thought it was wrong to think about another guy while in a relationship. But luckily I don’t guilt myself over it anymore. And although sometimes I do think about cute guys other than my boyfriend, I wouldn’t actually do anything.

• Madamoiselle L Says: The Wise Guys actually made me laugh out loud. “A walk in part in some fantasy.” “Jessica Rabbit.” “We’d never leave the house.”
  I remember in college playing “Would you fuck that guy?” (Quietly!) while sitting on the Quad with other women or gay friends (never played it with straight guys, though, you KNOW they’d ask.. ...Hell, the gay guys would ask, “Say I was straight, or really really drunk, would you….) The answered about the men walking by ranged from “Ew!” to “Hell yeah!” to “Maybe I could, if he was nice.” “Maybe I could, if he lost that perm.” (Some of the girls needed some Trust Fund or other financial incentive included, not kidding.) We were young, dumb and full of…...energy then.
  My Man does this, during movies or TV shows (he does it during the news” “What about him? Is he hot? If I were a chick, I’d think he was hot.” (He doesn’t get my obsession with House…..my Man looks just like him.) However, I DON’T ask him. But, he tells me anyway. :) Not bragging, but the closer a woman’s look is to mine, the more likely he is to want her, no matter what her age. (although tall blondes, which I am surely not, wouldn’t be said “no” to in this game…) I’m more picky than he is, that’s for sure.
  In nature,(animals) the female usually does the choosing, while the male takes whatever comes along and is reasonably healthy looking. Makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, the answers in comments have too much sample-selection bias, self-selection bias, and all that to have much statistical relevance. But anecdotally it’s very nice confirmation of, well, confirmation bias: if you only asked men you’d confirm a cliché about men. If you ask everybody though… and you learn something much more interesting.

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Speaking for myself I don’t know if it’s because I’m older, or that I’ve grown more confident, or that I no longer believe in heterosexual sexual scarcity and the whole rest of the no-sex class indoctrination men give themselves, but I can’t say I immediately assess someone for sexual compatibility. Eventually, maybe, and probably sooner than I start guessing about, say, their computer savvy. But probably after I assess them for, say, political/philosophical compatibility. Which, now that I think about it, is sort of the same thing.