Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

In a flirtatious text exchange with a much older-sounding former partner Hedonistic Pleasureseeker finds an interesting reference to the belief in self-imposed sexual scarcity (not to mention acquired privilege) in the gendered-male worthiness trap. (Emphasis mine.)

Misha1: Uhhhh… Hmmmm… I think… that just might be me except I’s want something on a more permanent basis  I took on Tony Montana’s position on life

Me: ?

Misha1: From Scarface… with Al Pacino he said…while at a bar in South Beach… First you getta the money… then you geta the power and THEN... you getta the woman!”

Me: hahahha Now while I’m flattered you felt you had to go make a bazillion before calling me again, that really wasn’t necessary ya know.
(PS: I’m kidding)

She transcribed the conversation here.

All the more reason why I’ll probably never watch Scarface. It didn’t really work that way for me. And for whatever faults I may have in my character, and however many mistakes I’ve learned from and however many more mistakes I’ve yet to make, it’s surely the case that the times I’ve spent trying to accumulate money and power have tended to be the times of greatest loneliness and alienation from potential partners.

In an odd way I think it’s sort of a corollary to the way men hear “there’s nothing sexier than a man doing dishes:” heterosexual relationships in general, and sex in particular, must be earned.

What’s particularly harsh about the entire proposition, aside from that whole transactional/privilege thing, is there’s no room at all in there for, oh, say, love or affection or (human, peer-to-peer) companionship. (To be fair what I think they think is supposed to happen is the old-school sort of idea that love develops from obligation, loyalty, familiarity, proximity, and necessity.)