Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

Matthew Yglesias says of a study that tries to claim that macaque monkeys conduct prostitution transactions. In the sense that sex is more than twice as frequent (3.5 times vs 1.5 times) when males that “pay” sex by first grooming females than when they don’t.

If you think about human society, “paying for sex” denotes a pretty specific kind of social practice—prostitution—and isn’t a catchall phrase to cover every mutually beneficial relationship that involves sex. You could probably do a study of married human couples that would show that sex is more likely after a husband is nice to his wife than after he’s been a jerk; I don’t think you’d call that a study about “paying for sex” among married couples.

He said it here.

That sounds about right. It happens to be the case that a lot of people imagine that “proper” men “pay” for sex through marriage. Which makes sense in those relationships where women have no interest in sex, whatsoever. Or who, because of artificial limits on social and economic opportunities imposed by the dictates of gendered culture they have no, zero, none interest in sex with the men they’re obliged to marry.

Oddly the article, and the study it describes, claims no parallels should be drawn between human and macaque behavior. Which is laudable I’m sure. Or would be if, rather than conclusions drawn the researchers and reporters hadn’t instead drawn premises.

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P.S. if I’m not mistaken I’m more likely to want sex 3.5 times an hour instead of 1.5 if, instead of just bending over the first “female” I’m on intimate terms with and “copulating” with her I instead spend time “grooming” her by putting my arms around her, stroking her cheek, murmuring things out loud that remind me why I appreciate her, burying my face in her hair, kissing, nuzzling, or biting her neck and shoulders, and otherwise engaging in the kind of “payment” we more often think of as, oh, I don’t know, foreplay!

Because, you know, foreplay increases men’s interest in and desire for more frequent sex. Something the subset of anthropologists and science reporters most drawn to moronic anthropomorphization of macaque (not to mention macaque-ization of humans) might discover if they ever bothered to try it.

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Seriously! The idea that only women “need” or otherwise benefit from foreplay is just… um… yeah, just try it some time. I mean, not to drag in the food issue or anything but don’t studies also show that people who eat food cold, out of the can, over the sink to “save time” also tend to eat less overall than people who take the time to actually enjoy their food as a cultural activity and not just a biological necessity? Well, same for sex, m’kay?

Somebody named Simcha at The Frisky makes with the funny.

Stamina Pillows Stop Men In Their Sacks

Thumbnail image from The Frisky.

Men premature ejaculate because you are just too damn fine! Girl, you know it’s true! Well, that’s the concept behind Durex’s new limited edition Stamina Pillows. Originally given away with their Performa condoms that have a mild anesthetic to prevent dudes from beating you to the finish line, the cases feature some not-so-sexy pictorials—like an old bag lady with pigtails, a pearl necklace, and armpit hair licking her lips. It’s pretty creepy. But there’s also a redheaded guy with cabbage patch bangs sucking on a lollipop and we think he could be Michael K from Dlisted’s soul mate. Hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, it might not work for everyone! However, we’re willing to try anything if it means we’ll get to party with our pants off for even just a few more minutes.

Read the quote in context here.

What. Ever.

First of all, even though they only seem elderly instead of misshapen or unattractive the people in the photos don’t do much for me either but then I’m not close to them in age. And since I distinctly remember my early teens when my peers and I felt sorry mostly vague dismay for older, “one-foot-in-the-grave” college-aged men and women I suspect the alleged flaws in these pillow photo models are more a matter of the onlooker’s generational perspective (or lack thereof) than of the models themselves. Call that strike one against the pillows.

What also makes it jarring is the effect of even-older-than-usual people striking “sexy” poses and facial expressions derived from… the generally naive flirtations of school children. You’d have to click through to the article to see them but… where exactly did that finger-in-the-mouth or slurping-a-lollipop look get lumped over into sexy? (And everybody laughs at Senator Vitters’ diaper fetish!) Anyway, I’ve noticed in general that actual grown up men and women in their 20s, let alone 40s, let alone older, tend to flirt and express arousal in ways that make sense for their ages and experience. Call that strike two.

Finally, though, I’m also struck by the name, “Stamina Pillows,” and the implications that the solution for premature ejaculation would be presumed psychological dismay of envisioning people one isn’t (yet) old enough to be attracted to. I mean… seriously… what’s the intention here?!?! Never mind intentions, what are the implications?

Here we are, men supposed to be all selfishly, short-sightedly, thinking-with-the-little-head obsessed with our own gratification and… during holy-grail-for-men intercourse we’re… memorizing baseball scores? Reviewing tax tables? Contemplating allegedly non-sexy elders?

Sheesh, and we complain that women think about shopping lists?

Maybe…

Just maybe…

Nahh… communications, creativity, taking turns, and maybe getting over the idea of intercourse as the sexual end-goal couldn’t possibly result in overall more frequent, let alone more frequently enjoyable sex. For all involved.

Couldn’t be.

That would be strike three.

Photo by Flickr user pizzodisevo. Used under a Creative Commons license.

Dacia Ray of Waking Vixen lands hard on a recent study that seems totally trapped in status quo assumptions.

There’s a new study that’s just been released that is reporting the above fact: 43% of American women have some kind of sexual dysfunction (SD).

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With a percentage number that high, I want to know – dysfunctional compared to what? Compared to the rapid moan and groan of porn performers, the persistent cultural belief that orgasm from intercourse is ideal, or less concrete examples of the pressure that is exerted on women to conform to an ideal of sexual performance that is imagined?

She said it here.

I mean… what exactly are the assumptions in that study? This kind of thing is one of, my perpetual, and bugaboos. If we simply changed the definition of “sex” from “till he’s done” to “till she’s done” then if we changed nothing else then overnight bookstore self-help shelves would empty of books about “foreplay” and the “hard time” women have with orgasms to be restocked with of equally urgent and baffled books about men’s dysfunctional “prematurity.”

Of course that too would be looking at only half the picture but… it really would be nice to begin conversations that don’t assume men in general and ejaculation in particular is the be all and, especially the end all of sex. The benefits of pulling up that particular anchor could be pretty big. For all involved.

Photo by Flickr user jslander. Used under a Creative Commons license.

So sure, it takes longer to make scratch waffles with fresh-toasted pecans in the batter and sliced fruit and whipped cream and a delicate lacing of thick maple syrup on top than it takes to scramble an egg. But do we ever say it’s a problem that waffles take longer to make than scrambled eggs?