homophobia

Duh! Why It's Not a Slippery-Slope From "Man-On-Man" Marriage to "Man-on-Dog" Marriage

Jeffe Fecke of Alas, a blog is as weirded out by J.D. Hayworth’s haste to leap into man-horse sex as I was earlier today.

So here’s something I don’t get: why is it that whenever people start talking about same-sex relations, members of the right instantly leap to bestiality? We all remember former Sen. Rick “Man On Dog” Santorum, R-Penn. Then there was Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, and his box turtle lovin’.

He said it here.

I can’t find a link at the moment but I’m pretty sure conservatives have also brought up the creepy prospect of NAMBLA members marrying juvenile boys variation as well. I can’t possibly, on the planet, be the only person to see it this way but…

The really, giant, big, distinguishing difference between grown men or women marrying each other, vs. Arizona Senate aspirants marrying their horses, is that the law already allows men and women to marry. Whereas, at least as far as I know, there are no provisions in law for horses to marry each other. Same with dogs. Same with box turtles. And for good reason. In civic if not celestial terms marriage is an establishment of fairly complex set of legal, contractual, tax, and property rights, including the establishment of legal inheritance and even powers of attorney. None of which, again to the best of my knowledge, are recognized in the case of animals.

Note: As for the NAMBLA scenario, Hayworth’s native Arizona already wisely prohibits marriage of children under the age of 18 without parental consent. Even with parental consent children can’t marry under age 16. Although, disturbingly, Arizona does permit children under age 16 to be married with the consent of the parents and approval of a superior court judge. (That last bit may be a nod to the state’s large child-marrying FLDS population.) To the extent a state wished to forestall the NAMBLA scenario they could simply update their child-marriage laws to 21st 20th Century standards. But I digress…

Point being that whereas legal marriage can (and should!) be easily extended to adults of the same sex with very trivial modifications of civic laws governing marriage adults who currently are allowed to marry each other, before people could marry animals it would first be necessary to establish all the other legal rights and responsibilities for animals that are now the domain only of humans.

It's Not News When Conservatives Do It: J.D. Hayworth Edition

Paul Waldman of TAPPED wrote such a wonderful indictment of the IJNNWACDI tendency towards conservative perversion that I’m reproducing the whole thing here.

Via Steve Benen, we see that former Rep. J.D. Hayworth, who is challenging John McCain in the Republican Senate primary in Arizona, has some interesting ideas about what gay marriage will lead to:

“You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage — now get this — it defined marriage as simply, ‘the establishment of intimacy,’” Hayworth said. “Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don’t mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point — I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse. It’s just the wrong way to go, and the only way to protect the institution of marriage is with that federal marriage amendment that I support.”

This kind of thing comes up with alarming frequency from Christian conservatives. For some of them, any issue of gay rights is about sex – — hot, steamy sex, so hot they can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve always said that James Dobson thinks about gay sex more than any five gay people I know put together. And apparently, people like Hayworth think that there is a tide of perversion lapping at our levees, and if we allow a crack in the edifice of heterosexual marriage, it will come down upon us like a tidal wave, drowning us with its forbidden temptations. I wonder what kind of thoughts led them there?

He said it here.

That sounds about right about James Dobson, and one suspects Fred Phelps thinks about it more than every other gay man in Kansas. Any time folks start going into lurid details or taking their proposed prohibitions to extreme lengths there’s gotta be at least a little fire behind all that smoke. Another example, one with almost universally horrific consequences are the white slave-owning men who, while regularly justifying violence against African American men for their “lust” for white women, also happened to have unrestricted and coercive access to African American women. Another example? I always wonder what’s really up when I hear of another regressive state legislator proposing one of those no-exceptions-for-rape-or-incest abortion restrictions. For instance one wonders how long it’ll be before a weeping Glenn Beck upbraids the likes of me for being all nonconsanguino-centerically privileged and just not understanding that, say, Louisiana state legislators deserve grandchildren just like people do. Now I’m forced to wonder whether J.D. Hayworth would support this petition drive... or if he’d change the subject and fulminate about government having no business interfering with private property rights. $%!#%~%

(Quick note, plus attempted guilt expiation for quoting his entire post: I don’t quote Paul Waldman often in this blog but if you’re into politics and social issues TAPPED is a great group blog and you can find a bunch of his other posts here. I particularly appreciated his post Pro-Lifers For More Abortions from yesterday.)

Kevin Spacey's American Beauty as Metaphor: Andrew Sullivan on the Toxicity of the Closet

I probably would have let this post continue gathering dust in my Drafts pile but this post by Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo about the peculiarities of gay closeting among conservative homophobes in politics made it percolate back up for me.

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In a post about arty films that at least in retrospect suck, Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon made a poster child of the 1999 Oscar-winning American Beauty. Which in an awful lot of the ways she lays out really did suck.

Amanda mistakenly thinks the movie was about the reduction of Kevin Spacey to a state of pure privilege — a narrative arc that begins with him masturbating in the shower and, um, ends shortly after we’re supposed to see him as some kind of hero for not having sex with a 14-year-old… when it turns out (surprise!) that she wasn’t as ready as he (and she) had imagined.

That interpretation of the movie always surprises me. And if you see it that way then yeah, it doesn’t just suck pretentiously, it sucks gratuitously. Look at it that way and everything about it from the pseudo poetic voice overs to the floating plastic bags to the abrupt murder to the whole he saw / we saw comedy-of-errors between the Spacey character and the dope-dealing boyfriend just reeks phony/artsy.

But I always saw it as a gay morality play where the happy, well-adjusted out gay couple represent true suburban paradise, where the self-loathing, desperate-to-pass closeted gay neighbor on the other side represents Hell, and the Spacey character’s obliviously “latent homosexuality” is the metaphorical battlefield between the forces of the good of being ordinary and out and the evil of the closet. Throw in that all slightly tin-eared representations of heterosexuality are the result of “colonization” and… well, I’m not sure that’s what the producers really had in mind but it’s a lot easier to appreciate the movie that way.

Anyway, after a bit of rumination over irony, hypocrisy and petard-hoisting, Marshall closes his piece with this thoughtful observation

...as Andrew Sullivan puts it, these are all examples of their tragedy of the closet. Not just the inability to live full lives and all the self-loathing that’s painfully obvious in these men, but the soul-crushing and character-distorting effects of a life of denial and toxic secrecy.

He said it here.

That sounds about right. It’s not the hypocrisy, it’s the toxicity that drives it.

The Perversely Non-Perverse Reason You Don't Need the Kings Navy to Protect Heterosexuality

Via DemFromCT of Daily Kos, Kevin Huffman of the Washington Post says

On Sunday, as I hunker down with family and friends for the Super Bowl, I can rest easy knowing that CBS is working hard to defend my heterosexual sensitivities. On the surface, heterosexuality doesn’t seem like a particularly distinctive trait or one in need of broad institutional protections, but many seem to believe that we heterosexuals are delicate souls.

The media, the government, the military — all are ready to head off potential sightings of gay people.

In the case of the Super Bowl, CBS has refused to broadcast an ad by the gay dating Web site ManCrunch.

He said it here.

Sometime soon I’m going to have to write a post about “privilege,” which while technically accurate as it gets, and also glaringly obvious to those who don’t have it, is also nearly-by-definition, completely invisible to those who have it. That said, I like the way Huffman’s point illustrates a really huge problem with the invisibility of being the “normal” against which all else is “other.”

What I really wish people would get is that heterosexuality is as real and durable an orientation as homosexuality. I mean, it’s a peculiar condition of imagining one’s self “the norm” that it’s hard to understand you’re the way you are for exactly the same reasons others aren’t. You’re that way by accident of birth a.k.a. nature.

And by not getting that you’re also going to miss that you’re not “normal” temporarily, you’re not “normal” by whim, you’re not “normal” because you were exposed to the “right” or “wrong” social influence, and you’re definitely not “normal” by choice.

Any more than any given sexual “the other” is.

And that’s the thing. Being gay isn’t a choice! And one of the coolest things about getting that is that if you just thought about it you’d get that your heterosexuality wasn’t a choice either.

And if more people got that they’d get that they really don’t need the media, the government, the clergy, U.S. Marines and the Canadian Mounties, and, especially, various posses of gay-panic-stricken vigilantes to protect their heterosexuality. Or anyone else’s.

People Likely to Hate Their Own Marriages Are More Likely to Also Hate Same-Sex Marriage

Poll statistics whiz Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight notes that

Over the past decade or so, divorce has gradually become more uncommon in the United States. Since 2003, however, the decline in divorce rates has been largely confined to states which have not passed a state constitutional ban on gay marriage. These states saw their divorce rates decrease by an average of 8 percent between 2003 and 2008. States which had passed a same-sex marriage ban as of January 1, 2008, however, saw their divorce rates rise by about 1 percent over the same period.

Read the quote in context here.

Silver reminds that it’s only a correlation. But it’s certainly the case that areas where people seem most inclined to hate their own marriages are also most inclined to hate same-sex marriage.

Via Matthew Yglesias.

"What’s the deal with manscaping?" Answers at Em & Lo's

I’m in the monthly rotation for the popular “Wise Guys” column at Em & Lo. This week’s question for their rotating panel of single, and married straight men and married or committed gay man was “What’s the deal with manscaping? We’re talking both genitals and chests.” Here’s how I answered it.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Great question! It’s a great irony to me that, at least in Western Civilization, we don’t think anything of the original “manscaping” — men who shave their faces. For instance, you never hear debates about how shaving makes grown men look “prepubescent” even though technically that’s exactly what it actually does. As for the recent trend in straight men trimming or shaving pubic hair, I think you could make a case that it’s driven, at least a little bit, by the same things that drive women to do so: porn and advertising. The two come together in a recent razor manufacturer’s ad campaign with shaved kiwi fruit and hints about the “optical inch” of penis length that comes from trimming away an inch of pubic hair.

There’s also the point that it just feels nicer being kissed on bare skin than on hair… and, for many partners, it feels nicer kissing bare skin than hair. As for men grooming hair on the rest of the body, I think there are two big reasons. First, because it makes us look younger. Not so much “prepubescent” but, since body hair increases with age, not middle-aged or older. Second, because when it’s long it can be itchy both to ourselves and to our partners. Of course the other side of all that is first that a lot of women and/or men think body hair on men is very sexy, and second that stubble can be even pricklier than if we left well enough alone.

I said it here.

No sense analyzing my own writing (heck, I can’t even proofread my own writing!) so I’ll point out that the quality of comments is pretty different on the post at Em & Lo’s vs. their reprinted version at Yahoo Shine.

A number of Yahoo commenters are pretty down on manscaping because they see it as one kind of unmanly or another. Which makes the “Gay Engaged Guy,” Joel Derfner‘s answer priceless

I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, because manscaping is, for all intents and purposes, dead. Gay men are manscaping less and less each year, which means that in a few years straight men are going to be manscaping less and less each year, and then our national nightmare will be over.

Yup, just let straight America get the notion that not shaving is Teh Gay!

Gillette and Schick stock will skyrocket and we can all go home. Oh wait! Scratch that last bit about stocks. Nearly all American men already own shaving products.

But getting back to the shaving makes you look less manly bit. Shaving makes men look less manly? Which is a riot because of course beginning to shave one’s face is often one of the first outward acknowledgments of manhood for boys.

Which makes the cultural perception gradient even weirder: shaving is supposed to make men look more womanly, meanwhile shaving is supposed to make women look more child-like. If there was any logic to gender conventions, since shaving is one of the first signals of manhood shaving ought to be seen as making women look more manly! I get so confused!

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Gender-neutral rhetorical question: do shaved armpits make everyone look pre-pubescent?

Fundamental Mistakes: Playboy Won't Make You Gay

Markos Moulitsas of Daily Kos says

Republican values, courtesy of Sen. Tom Coburn’s top aide:

[Sen. Tom Coburn Chief of Staff Michael] Schwartz told the crowd about Jim Johnson, a friend of his who turned an old hotel into a hospice for gay men dying of AIDS. “One of the things he said to me,” said Schwartz, “that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark… he said ‘All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

There were murmurs and gasps from the crowd. “Now, think about that,” said Schwartz. “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants!

Playboy makes you gay.

Wisdom, courtesy of the modern GOP.

Read the quote in context here.

I’m… not sure it’s true that turning inward makes you gay. Or, for that matter, straight. I think instead introspection might provide a little values clarification of your sexuality.

But… I don’t want to tell an ostensible “family values” guy like Schwartz how to have family values, or child sexual development, or anything but, um, eleven years old is a little young. But I digress…

Although, I guess, not all that young for “traditional family values“ types (my own great-great-grandmother gave birth to her first child at age 13… her 20-something husband. My great-great-grandfather was one of the original Southern Baptist ministers. Her first son, also a preacher, grew up to be one of the original authors of what became Christian Fundamentalism. But I digress…

And seriously, while people of faith — including people of evangelical faith — really are responsible for the vast amount of charitable and social work (where, as my Darwin-thumping secular-humanist father asks, are the Unitarian hospitals?) I have to hope Schwartz just misunderstood his hospice-owning friend. Because otherwise I’d worry whether his patients are receiving appropriate end of life care. But I digress…

I’m just sorry, I was trying to get a toehold into the analysis I think Schwartz is dumb: there’s no way reading Playboy makes you gay. If you’re not gay already. Even if you’re only eleven.

And I’m just sorry, but if you’re not introspective about your sexuality I have a feeling you’re going to do what an awful lot of folks like Schwartz eventually do and start abusing children because you get the mistaken notion that anything you can get the drop on is fair game.

And yeah, that’s a stupid accusation. But for crying out loud so’s claiming that reading Playboy makes you gay.

These guys need to get a grip! Just because it kills two rhetorical birds with one stone for you doesn’t make it true. Or even coherent! At the end of the day you have to get some kind of grip!

%#!#$!2$

(Orson Scott) Card Check: Homophobia's Such an Unfair Term For Someone Who Hates Homosexuality

Late last month Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon wrote

G.D. wrote a post about how “Mad Men” deals with overt misogyny and not racism because the writers realize that you can sell a likeable misogynist more easily than you can sell a likeable racist.

She said it here.

Just the other day Yonmi of Feminist SF unearths another instance version of the general effect, this time for homophobia.

I have never been sure how Orson Scott Card justifies his homophobia to himself: I know he loathes being identified as a homophobe, because he would rather think of himself as a normal person with a normal distaste for and hatred of gay men who normally wants gay men to be kept in the closet, and chemically castrated or otherwise punished if they fail to keep themselves out of sight.

Read the quote in context here.

I’ve read very little of Card’s work. I put down “Ender’s Game” when I realized the situation (approvingly!) involved authorities having a very small child conduct a planet-slaughtering war by telling him he was just playing a video game. Whether the author suffered from cynicism, callousness, or naivete that kind of moral, ethical, and religious/spiritual lapse was a enough for me to turn my attention elsewhere. But if I’d read more of his work, Yonmi says, I’d have run into more of his homophobia including the proper degradation and death of otherwise patriotic, heroic, and war-effort-contributing characters who turn out to be gay.

Yonmi’s post includes a long pean to real-life British World War II cryptography hero, and computer-theory godfather, and mathematician Alan Turing who was outed for homosexuality, persecuted out of his job, and finally driven to suicide. Based on his body of fiction and non-fiction work, Card, nominally a science advocate and certainly a beneficiary of contemporary computer technology, believes the world would have been better a better place without Turing. (I’m sure a few surviving unreconstructed members of the Luftwaffe would agree.)

Anyway, yeah, racist is an awful word to use against affable people who just blanket hate people of other races. And misogynist is just such an awful label for likable guys who think the highest compliment you can pay a woman is to say “she’s going to make a wonderful mother for someone’s children someday.” And homophobe is an awful word to use against a guy who thinks it ought to be normal rather than disgraceful to hate gay people.

And I can see their point. Calling someone a racist, a misogynist, a homophobe, or other kind of bigot just makes it harder to see they’re affable, likable, NiceGuys™ who just think they should be given jobs they’d deny to others, who should enjoy rights they’d deprive others of, who should benefit from the misery they’d rain down on others. Oh, and who, like Card, think they should get paid to pen scenarios where adults imperil small children’s immortal souls to advance their strategic interests.

Update: And from the Couldn’t Make This Up department of irony, according to the Wikipedia entry for Ender’s Game, the implacable alien foes children are recruited to fight are called “buggers.” What. Ever.

Update #2: From reader comments it sounds like if I’d continued reading I’d have discovered that Ender regrets his participation in planetary genocide and that Card spends multiple award-winning volumes dwelling on Ender’s redemption. They evidently don’t redeem Card’s homophobia though.

Ok, Ok, Jumping on Ross Douthat Anyway: No, Feminism Makes Heterosexual Passion More Possible

Oh all right. Following up here on Ross Douthat and David Klinghoffer’s otherwise incomprehensible positions about feminism and heterosexual sex.

Douthat, you may recall, says in effect that when women become economic and social equals of men sex loses all its uncertainty. And thus its appeal. And thus its excitement.

Klinghoffer, on the other hand, points to the Classical antique Catullus who warned men that sex with wives was tedious once they’d enjoyed sex with men.

I’d like to offer a bit of reconciliation of these two stances, in a way that I hope will shame both.

When Catullus was alive there was no question, at all, about feminism. In his day the lives of men and women were almost completely separate, with women relegated almost completely to the home, almost never educated, and almost entirely discounted. Women, believed to be completely dominated by the demands of their wombs, were scarcely considered human (that “covet not thy neighbor’s wife nor… cattle” made perfect sense back then.) It was commonly believed that because of these biological, educational, cultural, and class differences passionate love between genders was impossible. Affection, yes. Lust? Possibly. Infatuation? Sure. Companionship? Maybe sort of. But intimate one-to-one heart-to-heart passionate love? Nope. Not possible

Love, in classical antiquity, was possible only between equals. By convention, tradition, and law men and women weren’t equals. Thus real, fiery, passionate love was reserved for one’s own sex. And while their words for “passion” didn’t have the same sexual implications the English word does, it didn’t seem as unusual to them that sexual intimacy would follow emotional bonding between social, economic, educational, cultural, and class equals… who happened to be of the same sex.

See the problem between Douthat and Klinghoffer’s respective conservatisms yet?

Here’s a clue: the hottest, most intimate, most exciting, most varied, and occasionally the most kinky sex I’ve had have been with women who’s unsegregated social, economic, and educational prospects and aspirations have been equal or greater than mine.

Catullus wasn’t talking about sensual pleasure between men, he was talking about the considerable pleasure of sexual and passionate intimacy between equals. In his day that meant same-sex relationships. Thanks to feminism (and I mean, really, thanks!) that kind of passionate, sexual intimacy is possible between men and women as well. In a way it simply isn’t when society dictates that women must be economically and socially dependent on men.

So. Bottom line: Klinghoffer’s wrong about why men in Catullus’s day would prefer other men to women. And Douthat is wrong about feminism and sex.

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Lest I sound too heteronormative, feminism has obviously not diminished the possibility of passionate sexual intimacy for partners of the same sex either.

Totally Dumb Celebrity-Relationship Question

How come tabloids spatter all manner of gossip about celebrity women’s same-sex relationships, really brief ones, but you never hear about celebrity men’s same-sex relationships, even when they’re really long-term?

It could just be I don’t read the right gossip-magazine covers in the grocery store checkout lines. I don’t think it is. And it could be that there’s some sort of “unspoken code” not to discuss male celebrity relationships. But since they seem pretty ready to speculate about different men’s sexuality I don’t think it’s that either. Or it could be that gossip almost by definition is about enforcing widely agreed upon narratives and so the idea of men (gay or straight) in relationships that aren’t mediated and maintained with the enormous Cosmo-style effort of women just don’t exist.

The other possibility is I don’t know about them because they really don’t exist. But since I only know what I read on gossip magazine covers in checkout lines (ok, ok, I’ve also skim the firehose of posts from Jezebel.com in my newsreader) I have no independent way to verify so it’s all guesses.

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