Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

Summary: Carrie Prejean disgraced herself by publicly opposing same-sex marriage, not for either having a sex life or camera-phoning herself. Sungold proposes an unusual but sensible way she could at least partly redeem herself. Further down, reflections by Sungold, Blue Gal, and Melissa McEwan on the way Prejean’s partner only disgraced himself.

Sungold of Kittywampus says, in all earnestness, that it would be an all-round good thing if conservative-Christian Carrie Prejean just let go of the “scandal” about the private masturbation videos she emailed her erstwhile fiance and let everyone who’s “scandalized” about it fall on their keisters.

After mentioning the disgraceful dismissal of Clinton-era Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders for recommending that we teach young people that masturbation is a safe and effective alternative to partnered sex, Sungold says

Maybe it’s time for us to catch up with history. Here’s where Prejean could play a pivotal role. She could go on Larry King and say, “I’m not here to talk about that tape, which my asshole ex had no right to release. But I will say this: What I did on that tape was perfectly normal. Self-pleasure is perfectly compatible with my Christian beliefs. It’s a great way to get to know your body before you’re ready for partnered sex. It’s a wonderful way to extend your pleasure with a partner. If you’re waiting for marriage to have intercourse, masturbation can help you wait, and you’ll be a better lover when you do say yes.”

I’m still not snarking. If we could just get all those “good Christians” to admit they do it, all of us might be able to have open conversations about it without anyone getting fired or censored.

Read the quote in context here.

Incidentally I’m not snarking either. I’m aware that Prejean might decline to do so, but I’m… pretty sure she’s got the really, seriously, no twits-vs-substance credentials to do so. It would be doing the world a favor and, very likely, do more to promote alternatives to intercourse and other forms of partnered sex than any number of conventional abstinence messaging.

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On a side note I’d add that the less-than-forthright way Prejean has dealt with the revelations seem to have been more damaging to her reputation than the existence of the tapes themselves. They were, after all, perfectly ordinary communications with a partner she was committed to and trusted… which means pretty much the only thing the partner “revealed” was that not only should no future partner trust his honesty, integrity, or discretion but neither should any future employer or client. Further down in her post Sungold nicely addresses the issue of the former partner by the way.

Update: Although see also Blue Gal’s The Donald advises Carrie to become “major porn star”? I’m not going to say the fact that Trump’s recommendation is diametrically opposite Sungold’s is itself a demonstration that she’s on the right track. But…

Update: And also see Melissa’s awesome dissection of Prejean and twits vs. substance at Shakesville.

So. You probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that sex toys are called “toys” instead of, say, sex appliances or masturbation devices for a reason. Nor would you be surprised to learn they’re called toys, or, more specifically, “novelty items” specifically because so many jurisdictions either explicitly or implicitly regulate commercial activities anything having to do with sex, let alone anything having to do with masturbation.

Ironic, then, that whereas the sale of sex devices are heavily regulated around the country (until very recently they were flat illegal in Texas) the manufacture of “novelty items” isn’t regulated at all. With the classic twittery vs. substance consequence that many such toys contain toxic and/or carcinogenic chemicals that would be prohibited if they were sold for actual use!

What? You actually use your vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, sleeves, and other items instead of having a good laugh at their novelty and then chucking them out? Who knew?!?!? :-)

That’s where Grist comes in. They’ve teamed up with Babeland to promote a funny, disarming video that both mocks the lack of safety in some products and promotes healthier, and hotter (njoy vibrators and glass dildos anyone?) alternatives.

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This isn’t Grist’s first foray into eco-friendly sex advice. See also

• Naughty by Nature
• A Valentine’s Day’s Night
• Sermon on the Mounting – How to green your love life

• Bleeding hearts – An eco-friendly Valentine’s Day guide for the bitter and alone

Hat tip to Jennifer Prediger

Ellen Friedrichs of gURL Sex-Ed Blog points to a nice convergence between corporate self-interest and public health:

When I was in grad school, I was pretty amazed by how many sexual health services were available to students. We had peer counselors, a health center that freely gave out condoms, did on-site HIV testing and offered workshops covering everything from breast health to how to have an orgasm.

It was a far cry from my undergrad experience, where if there were any sexual health services I sure didn’t know about them.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who noticed the huge disparity in sexual health at different schools. The makers of Trojan condoms also identified this issue and, in light of what they call a “sexual health crisis,” decided to survey 140 schools and rank them on their sexual health.

She said it here.

Yeah, Trojan has involved itself in ranking schools by sex-health services because they have a direct interest in selling more condoms. But then every year U.S. New and World Reports ranks colleges because they have a direct interest in selling… oh wait! More magazines. Which might explain why Trojan’s list is actually helpful while U.S. News’s list, um, isn’t.

Anyway, the top ten places to go to school and stay healthy would be…

1. Stanford University
2. Columbia University
3. Cornell University
4. University of Iowa
5. University of Denver
6. University of Connecticut
7. West Virginia University
8. University of South Carolina-Columbia
9. University of Georgia
10. University of Wyoming

While the worst would be…

130. Marquette University
131. Utah Valley State College
132. Brigham Young University
133. University of Toledo
134. Baylor University
135. Louisiana Tech University
136. University of Notre Dame
137. Providence College
138. St. John’s University-New York
139. DePaul University

Hmm… looks like you can go to Stanford for an education and sexual health, or BYU for… basketball, I guess.

Heather Corinna of the sex-ed site Scarleteen, and others, remind us that

September 25th is the last day to submit public comment on the proposed HHS regulations which are not only superfluous, but more importantly, would further limit access to reproductive healthcare (and other healthcare) services in the U.S., particularly for those who already have the greatest limitations to care, like teens.

It’s so important to have public comment on this, so if you have not done so yet, take a few minutes tonight and be sure to get something in.

• • *

I am writing to urge you to stop efforts to block women’s access to basic reproductive health services.

I understand that the proposed regulations that the Department of Health and Human Services released on August 21, 2008 expand existing law to allow more health care providers and institutions to refuse to provide needed care.

As written, the regulations could allow institutions and individuals — based on religious beliefs — to deny women access to birth control and permit individuals to refuse to provide information and counseling about basic heath care services. Moreover, they expand existing laws by permitting a wider range of health care professionals to refuse to provide even referrals for abortion services.

For those of us working in healthcare, the onus is on us to choose a clinic or an area of practice where we know we want to provide the healthcare services offered to clients, and which we feel is in alignment with our personal values or religious beliefs. It should not be on those seeking needed health services. It is our responsibility — and we have the greater agency as as workers — to seek out the work we want, and leave the work we do not want, or do not feel we can live with, to those who are supportive and can honor any given job description. It is also our responsibility to take a job earnestly, not disingenuously. In healthcare, we have an extra responsibility, which is to put our clients needs and their physical health — not our ideas about their spiritual health — ahead of our own, and to care for them in the way which is best for them, objectively, rather than in the ways we feel would be best for us, or feel our religion would mandate.

Read the rest of her article here. Seriously!

It’s a pretty big deal and your comments (pro or, I guess, con) can make a big difference. The reproductive-health website passes along a link to an online comments form at Physicans for Reproductive Choice and Health. You can write your own comments or just use the template letter they provide. I’ve added mine, please consider adding yours.

Thank you!

figleaf